But You Don’t Look Autistic

10 Invisible Differences

“When I put pen to paper, that is the only time, guaranteed, where I am not anxious.”

Introduction

April is Autism Awareness Month.

I will start the month by sharing more about Asperger’s Syndrome.

Last year, I agreed to do an on-camera interview with Caleb Zuver, a college student who wanted to know more about my life as an artist with Asperger’s Syndrome.

“When do I tell people I have this? Or does it even matter?”

He got most of the information right.

We talked a bit about Invisible Differences, a book I mentioned in the brief interview. I say more about the book below.

First, here is the 4-minute interview:

And here is a little more about the content of the video.

I told the interviewer that I took several architectural drawing courses in high school, thinking I would become an architect. We discussed teaching that day, and he was confused about some details and falsely claimed that I taught an architecture course.

I was stressed about returning to teaching because I hoped to continue my art practice. It was not simply that I did not want to work—I loved my job. After all, I won the highest teaching award.

My sabbatical project included creating art. I wasn’t just slacking off or not working. I also worked intensively on my art only after my sabbatical research was done. Anyway, I suddenly feel the need to defend myself, but I’m not sure why it matters.

10 Invisible Differences

The narrator mentioned Invisible Differences: A Story of Asperger’s, Adulting, and Living Life in Full Color. I’ve read it a few times now. I highly recommend it.

It’s a comic book, in this case, a graphic memoir written by Julie Dachez and illustrated by Mlle Caroline.

The story is about a 27-year-old French woman with Asperger’s Syndrome.

I’m not doing a book review here. If you want to read a short review, look here.

Here are some observations about Marguerite, the main character, that stood out to me, as so many of them resonate with my experiences:

1. Routine: she follows the same daily routine, leaving for work at 7:30, stopping in the same bakery, ordering the same thing, etc. I follow many routines, too, like sitting down to write at my computer daily. I won’t bore you with a complete rundown of routines.

2. Unpredictability: she hates the unpredictable. I’m the same way. Spontaneity isn’t my friend, I suppose. I like knowing what to expect, so I make plans. I organize things and activities because doing so lessens the surprise factor.

3. Noise: stresses her out. Loud noises send me through the roof. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. However, it often feels like I hear minor noises at a screeching volume if that makes sense. For example, setting a water glass down hard on a table or hearing glasses clanking against one another in the cupboard.

4. Socializing: She does not socialize at work, and socializing is a challenge. I often prefer to be alone or to leave large gatherings as soon as possible. Part of the problem is not being adept at nonverbal communication or just not knowing how to make small talk.

5. Speech: she uses direct speech without slang or emotion and is also honest and direct in her communication. I sometimes feel robotic in my speech, or at least as if I rarely show emotion when communicating my thoughts. I worry that I sometimes sound rude when I am only being honest. Again, I’m not great at reading nonverbal cues.

6. Comfort: at home, she wears sweats and thick socks; she enjoys the silence and her cats. I wear the same stuff around the house all the time. I also enjoy silence. Living in a quiet neighborhood is very important to me.

7. Parties: she is the first to leave parties since being in a crowd is stressful. My previous post mentioned feeling alone at a party, even when I knew everyone. I enjoy hanging out with friends but prefer smaller gatherings to big parties.

8. Touch: she is super sensitive to touch and sleeps alone despite having a boyfriend. Hugging is not my forte, or at least not long hugs.

9. Clothing: her clothing has to be super comfortable. I wear the same clothes all the time, not only for comfort but also for predictability and routine. The touch and feel of the materials is important. And once I’ve found something comfortable, why would I bother trying something else? Recall: routine, predictability, and comfort.

10. Communication: she often takes things literally, which makes communication difficult. I sometimes miss a joke because I take something literally. Worse, I am offended because I take literally what was intended as a joke (on my behalf).

Clearly, the traits or tendencies listed above are not unique to Aspies. I listed them as a quick guide, so to speak, about how many Aspies experience daily life.

What invisible differences do you notice about yourself?

How do people misread you?

What should I know about you so I can see you better?

Please feel free to leave a comment. Let’s get the conversation going.